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what *is* an animal? Why are they so facinating? The small ones, the furry ones, the ones that make us humans happy...pets. Why do we like having pets? Need for control? Dominance? Does knwoing that there are creaters we could easily kill under our control make us feel safer and thus more content? Is it the nurturing instinct we have?


I'm in Virginia. With Lizzie. She's drinking. She's on her third Mike's. She just broke a little container of bobby pins that feel out of my suitcase. This is the life.


Awesome webcomic


I met the line artist at Comic Con. She was really nice. The art is lovely and the story funny.


So I've been slowly loosing it. And I don't mean it the usual sense when someone says that. I mean it's effecting things. Two days ago I left my wallet at CVS and today I left my mom's debit card at Party City. And just now I meant to call my current friend Amber and instead I called an Amber I was avoiding. I'm loosing my faculties. My logic is slipping away. My patience is hanging by a thread and I fall apart at the smallest inconsistency. My emotions are splitting into either completely a mess and apparently fine. I'd say my medication is no longer doing its job. That, or the stress I'm under is just--that I'm incapable of handling it. Everyone has a limit. And maybe I've reached that. I don't seem to know them anymore. So I know no one really reads this thing anymore but it's good to have a public record out there if something happens to me. Not that the first place people would go would be here...heh but whatever.
Tonight was another one of those nights. The ones when I cry for no reason. Chemical imbalance. Pft as if it’s not enough for me to have an unstable personality my brain has to be fucked up too. Thank god there’s a million medicines out there for me to try. Well actually there’s only about 20 and only half of those are ok for me and I’ve tried more than half of that. So I’m running out of options. Saphris worked well enough but it tasted so bad I went days without taking it. And this new stuff is absolute shit. Ties my stomach up in knots and I’m producing enough water to be classified as a source. But I've only been on it for 7 days. Not really enough time to conclude if it's at it's full strength yet. But stupid doc only gave me a 7 day sample. Have to fill a damn prescription to keep going. Well fuck now what?

There's a fucking mosquito making love to my screen and it's pissing me off...

Bartending dammit that's spelled right is going well. The instructor's a bit loose but in this society everyone is. Except maybe Catholics but hell how many of them are around? I guess I can't go into an environment that lauds something like getting people to buy more drinks gets you more money and expect people to be strait aced. Not that I want that. Far from it. I welcome the inconsistency. Maybe that's my problem. The ground's always moving so fast so why waste time trying to stay still? Running with it increasing your probability of flying. If that makes sense. Of course it doesn't, but hey my brain's in rehab right now so you can't expect much. You know now that I think about it, the proverbial you can be subjective. Like usually when I think someone might have a problem with me I'm comparing it to how my parents would see things. Maybe everyone has a point of reference. Or maybe it's just part of my fuckedup-edness. I like that word. I'm feeling a little bitter. Can you tell?

Hmm I haven't written like this in a while. I'm teaching Ron and Mel how to sew. Only one problem. The fucking machine is having issues. And the fucking internet is being a bitch too. But oh it'll work perfectly. In the bathroom. Where's the logic in that? I've been watching a lot of TNG. I'm on episode 15. Something like 100 more to go right? Their costumes are neat to make though. Gaz and Dib from Invader Zim. Takes some engineering. We managed to make a good headband for his weird hair. It looks pretty cool. Doubt that anyone even reads this anymore but it's still a place to vent.


Yearly Update

So it seems that I update this thing once a year. It's nighty time and I'm rather bored. This journal seems to function as such pretty well so I'm using this mainly as a way to keep track of what I'm doing. My hearing to get disability is some time in August...I need to call my lawyer. Yeah I have a lawyer. Creepy huh. His name is John Martin. Pretty standard name.

My hair's getting pretty long. I'm happy with it.

I plan on going to bartending school soon. If I don't get on disability I'm gonna become a bartender. Mr. Norris is kicking us out at the end of the year. So I'm either gonna be on my own, hopefully, or end up back with my mom. It'll be nice if I manage to get my own place. No more curfew for Adam. But if I end up back with my mom...I don't even want to think about it.

I'm listing to Linkin Park's first album. It really brings back memories. Not all good ones.

Comic Con's in a week. I'm happy about that. I actually have a good costume this year. Zexion from Kingdom Hearts.

Not sure if anyone reads this thing anymore. Oh well. Felt like posting anyway.

And what do I choose to so with said freedom?



...that is all...
Well now, I think it's been a good year maybe more since I posted...I'm incredibly bored so I decided to let peeps knows what's going on. Oh and the fact that 'peeps' isn't underlined as a misspelled word kinda disturbs me.

In June I went to a month long DBT program to help with Borderline Personality disorder. It helped me a lot and now I think I'm ready to go back to school and not utterly suck at everything. Then again I'm not taking any serious classes. I'm enrolled in a photoshop 1 course, and a go-to-the-gym-whenever-you-want-for-at-least-72 hours-and-get-credit-course. I'm crashing a ceramics class, a jewelery class, and a watercolor class.  I figure the gym class will be really good for me and hopefully I'll loose weight. My goal is I think 30 or 40 pounds? That's possible over a semester and exercising every week day isn't it?

I guess that's really all I wanted to say.
So, show of hands: who wants to hear me brood?

Cloud does!Collapse )


So I come inside this morning at a reasonable hour, 9:45, and I get this, immidiately, before I even pass the lawn chair in the living room:

Cil: You find a job yet?
Me: No
Cil: What a surprise. All of my friends have found jobs.
Me: ...good morning to you too.
Cil: Of course, they all went and looked for jobs.
Me: How do you know what I do?
Cil: Oh I know what you do.
Me: ...

That's exactly what happened. Word for word. I made sure to come strait to my computer. What the fuck? What have I done? Cathie Lizzie is there something someone's not telling me? Am I in trouble? What's going on?